The Low Down

First off, thank you for all your congratulations and kind words. We have some awesome friends and we are so happy to finally be sharing baby #3 with you all!

So... here is a breakdown of this pregnancy- all the ups and downs. It's going to be honest... and maybe a little TMI. And on the lengthy side, with some pictures in between to make it bearable :)

The beginning: March 5th. We were at Wal-Mart and we were deciding if we should buy a pregnancy test or not. Since I had just had a baby 7 months ago, I hadn't quite gotten back on track period wise. I had an idea of what it was like, but I was already stretching that 'late' mark out by now. Plus, I had been noticing the past week that my appetite was off. But I passed it off as nothing, noting that I wasn't any extra tired than I normally was so all was well (the things we tell ourselves to avoid the obvious, right?). There was definitely a 'feeling' that I was, which I tried to downplay to Brad (don't give the guy a heart attack until those two lines appear!). We got the cheap test and head home, a little nervous.

Baby at 8 weeks

Get home, decide why not take the test now. Test taken. Lines?... or line?... or lines?... there? Is that a line? Definite vertical line, but the horizontal line on our 'plus' was baaaarely, if at all, discernible. Not wanting to chance our 'yes' or 'no' on a barely there line, Brad being the awesome husband that he is, runs back to WalMart and comes home with a double pack of the digital pregnancy test. Bless his heart! Take another test that night... 'error'. Are you freaking kidding me???? Ridiculous!!! Needless to say, I was none to happy and a tad on the anxious side. But we would wait till morning. Morning comes and... well... only one word showed up: Pregnant. I couldn't believe it. Neither could Brad. That was a loooong day for us.

Feelings: So many feelings went through me that day, and the week following. Honestly, none of them all that good. I felt anger, panicked, sad, overwhelmed, etc. Most of all, I felt guilt. I would just look at Gavin and start crying. I had been looking forward to watching my two little boys grow up a little and have them all to myself for the next two years... and now I was going to have to divide my time between three? I felt like I was robbing Gavin of his time. I had a really hard time accepting that it was all happening, and that it was all good. I couldn't see past the haze of selfishness and guilt. 

Baby's foot

I was also bleeding. Not a scary amount, but enough to wonder what was going on. I scheduled an appointment for that week with my doctor. He checked me out, did an ultrasound on the outside of my belly to make sure it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy, and guessed me due October 27th. I also got my blood drawn. In a few days, I got it drawn again to make sure my hormone levels were going up and no miscarriage. Obviously, everything was great. 

Bump at 15 weeks

Acceptance: After I wallowed in self pity for a week or so, I finally started to pull out of the shock. I began to accept it. It was obvious this little spirit had to come now, for some reason. I then had another appointment so we could see baby. I saw him on the screen and I just felt peace. Peace was a feeling much needed at this time :) A few days later, I had more of a breakthrough. I had flashbacks of trying to get pregnant, overcome with what that felt like. What would I rather be going through- struggling to get pregnant again or having a surprise pregnancy? The answer was simple: I was grateful and happy for this little person inside of me. I was blessed to have this little spirit. We will be blessed to have him. It may be rough, but it can be done. As one of my friends said to me, how can you not be happy about a baby? With that, I came around. I started to be happy, to look forward to welcoming him. But we still weren't going to tell people yet :)

Spilling the beans: First person I told was a friend in the ward. She watched James for me the first few appointments. I had to tell someone and talk to someone- so grateful for her listening ear :) At week 14, we told our parents but told them to wait to tell our siblings. When we were pregnant with Gavin, we had talked about keeping our third a secret longer. Having it be this early, it cinched the deal :) After that, started telling it to friends here. They'd figure it out soon enough- was already showing! May 25th, a day before my 18 week mark, we had the ultrasound to show us our third little boy (and I guessed right, by the way- go me!) Then we told our siblings, but wanted to wait to tell everyone else. After that, either you knew because you were family or because you saw me. And then came the blog announcement :)

Thus far: Here we are, hitting the 25 week mark today. The pregnancy has really flown by. My morning sickness was "worse" this time- as in, the nausea lasted all day instead of just parts of the day. I know I am totally and completely blessed in that department. I felt the baby move at 17 weeks, and he really started moving at 22 weeks. I am constantly tired. For the first time, raw meat completely grosses me out. I always thought that was funny when girls said that about being pregnant- not so funny anymore. I'm better now, but I still don't like it. Blech. I am super happy it is another boy. Can't wait to see these boys grow up together! It is a definite c-section again. You can have two c-sections and still have the option of a VBAC, but since Gavin's birth was a partial abruption the doctor doesn't think it is in our best interest. And I'm with him- just get it done. We'll see if he can come in a boring, scheduled surgery. 

25 weeks!

I think that's basically it. Still reading this? I know, it was long. Again, we are happy for this little boy to join us in our family. We know it's not going to be easy- Gavin and baby #3 will be 14 1/2 months apart. James doesn't turn 3 until the end of December- that is 3 under 3. Someone has more faith in me than I have faith in me as a mother, I tell you what! I love our little boy, I know he is coming at the right time for him. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father for helping me through this. For trusting me with another child. Just for all the many blessings we have had and are continuing to receive. He truly is with us always, watching out for us. 

Lastly... you better believe I am on the lookout for an awesome tie pattern... going to be making lots of those! Oh, I can't wait to get these boys all matchy-matchy for Christmas and Easter (and anything in between!).