Better and Brighter

It's been amazing writing these posts already. I now know why I felt so strongly to put all of this out there- writing and reading about the junk in my head, has been crazy therapeutic. Every time (I know it's only been twice, but still... there's more coming...) I publish one of these posts, it's like a huge weight is lifted. I can think so much more clearly, I can see through the haze. For me, this is huge. I am already a better mom and wife. It... feels... amazing. 

Though I am in a great place right now, I know this is far from over. Especially with my self-esteem. But I'm on track and I'm making progress. I have been wanting progress for a long time and it's finally happening. Right after I published the last post, it hit me who I was. It was in writing right in front of me! No more. I'm going to own who I am again. I may have bad days in the future with my body image, but I won't let it be so severe. There's no point. I am who I am and that is perfect. We are all perfect in our own ways. 

I decided to google how to improve self-esteem once I hit the publish button. If I'm going to say I don't know where to go, then Google will show me the way :) Though I already do some of the steps suggested (take daily showers, be social, get ready, etc), mentally I do not. I have come to realize that I put myself down a lot in conversations. Not like blatantly, but self-jabs said in half-jokes. Um... that is not ok. Then if you go inside my head, it's worse. I doubt and discount so much of myself. Again, not ok. There were a few other things that I need to improve on, but those two are the biggest to me. I am going to be changing the direction of my self-talk and vocalizing encouraging statements. It may feel silly, but they put it as a step for a reason, right? 

I have to say this... It means a lot to be surrounded by such awesome friends and family. I didn't expect such kind words and concern and it just shows me how truly blessed I am. Whether through text, message, phone call, or gesture, it was more than appreciated. 

Here's to progress! It feels oh so good and it's going to get oh so much better