Better and Brighter

It's been amazing writing these posts already. I now know why I felt so strongly to put all of this out there- writing and reading about the junk in my head, has been crazy therapeutic. Every time (I know it's only been twice, but still... there's more coming...) I publish one of these posts, it's like a huge weight is lifted. I can think so much more clearly, I can see through the haze. For me, this is huge. I am already a better mom and wife. It... feels... amazing

Though I am in a great place right now, I know this is far from over. Especially with my self-esteem. But I'm on track and I'm making progress. I have been wanting progress for a long time and it's finally happening. Right after I published the last post, it hit me who I was. It was in writing right in front of me! No more. I'm going to own who I am again. I may have bad days in the future with my body image, but I won't let it be so severe. There's no point. I am who I am and that is perfect. We are all perfect in our own ways. 

I decided to google how to improve self-esteem once I hit the publish button. If I'm going to say I don't know where to go, then Google will show me the way :) Though I already do some of the steps suggested (take daily showers, be social, get ready, etc), mentally I do not. I have come to realize that I put myself down a lot in conversations. Not like blatantly, but self-jabs said in half-jokes. Um... that is not ok. Then if you go inside my head, it's worse. I doubt and discount so much of myself. Again, not ok. There were a few other things that I need to improve on, but those two are the biggest to me. I am going to be changing the direction of my self-talk and vocalizing encouraging statements. It may feel silly, but they put it as a step for a reason, right? 

I have to say this... It means a lot to be surrounded by such awesome friends and family. I didn't expect such kind words and concern and it just shows me how truly blessed I am. Whether through text, message, phone call, or gesture, it was more than appreciated. 

Here's to progress! It feels oh so good and it's going to get oh so much better


  1. So glad you're feeling better. Here's to a good journey!

  2. My biggest problem right now is body image. Post baby always hits me hard. My friends, my family, and Ryan constantly tell me I look great. My response:
    -you should see me naked!!!
    -spanx are great!!
    -you're just saying that
    -oh gosh, no I don't

    you get the idea. I have 20 lbs to lose and I'm trying to deal with that. Seems daunting and scary, but I am trying to deal with it as gracefuly as I can.

    I had a freaking BABY! I need to be nicer to myself!

  3. Good start! I always have a hard time accepting compliments. Also, I read somewhere that the way you talk about yourself affects your kids self confidence. If that's true I need to shape up pretty darn quick!

  4. so personal face to face conversations mean nothing to you? I'm so glad I mean so much. Geez Amy, I'm hurt.