Slooooow It Down

So. Motherhood is kicking my trash these days. That's how it feels, at least. 

To clarify- I think it isn't motherhood that is so difficult for me but more like what I expect out of myself, what I can/can't accomplish, how I feel my kids should behave, etc. that is making my life feel a tad blah. With this, I am ever so slowly realizing I need to slow down. Relax. Not be so hard on myself (and the kids). I feel like I have this realization every single week. And by the end of every single week, I have forgotten my new resolution to slow it down and calm it down. 

I don't know why I put so much pressure on myself. When we were pregnant with Jack, I told Brad to not expect the house to be in any real sort of working order for at least 6 months to a year. I didn't want to hear any teasing or gentle hinting about what wasn't getting done because I was going to be focusing on the kids and letting what I could fall by the wayside. Brad is awesome and been very accepting of this, helping out when his busy schedule allows him to. Me, on the other hand, can't take my own advice. Some days I can, and I let things go. I am so happy these days. Other days the kids are being super awesome and I can get things done here and there. Then there are the days (or week) I get all in my head about how horrible the house is, how embarrassing it would be if someone came over, how every other mom around here (and everywhere else) has THE perfect house ALL THE TIME and I am a failure so I better hop to it, how I have a million things to do on my to-do list and nothing will ever get taken care of, etc. Those days are the worst and happen waaaay too often. Nobody is happy on mommy-meltdown days. I get snippy, I yell waaaaay too much at the kids, I am antsy and bored with what the kids want to do. It's horrible. These days are ending now. I cannot care what my house looks like. So there are toys out. There are three kids. Dishes in the sink? They'll get done later... or tomorrow. Probably a pile of dirty clothes on the stairs, waiting to be put in the hamper. I can only take so much upstairs with a 21 lb baby in my arms and do so many trips. My kids are the 'screaming kids' or 'running away kid' today at the store. Ah well. Usually their good. This is what I have to tell myself. No one is judging me but me (and if someone else is, screw them so what). 

Having three kids in under three years is hard. No way I am sugar coating it. Transitioning to two, in my opinion, was not that hard. I remember just waiting for it to hit, this struggle everyone had been warning me about. Given, there were tougher days with two. But nothing like I had been hearing about. Two to three? It's a challenge. And in three years? Oh boy. At least for me. I feel like we didn't dip our toes into parenthood, and slowly wade into the pool. We dove in. Or maybe more like fell in with the addition of sweet Jack. We have still been together longer as just Brad and Amy then with kids. Then boom... boom, boom! We have a family of five. Don't get me wrong- I am so grateful for my three little boys. So grateful. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's me handling it that is frustrating. I wish I was better. So so much better. I wish I could be the mother who takes it aaaaaalllllll in stride, knows when to count to 100 to calm herself down, doesn't raise her voice, takes a deep breath and is all good, can be strict and fun and relaxed all at the same time, her kids listen to her and are well behaved. Oh, how that is my goal. But I am far from that perfect mother. I feel like a failure most days. 

I need to stop expecting myself to be able to do everything because it just isn't possible. It is so very far from possible. Especially since Jack-Jack likes to stay up to 9 or 10pm, enjoying his one-on-one time. I gobble him up, I tell you. I love that time with him. But not a lot can get done when he is awake and needing us. Plus the fact that he doesn't sleep through the night still. That is exhausting. I am so tired. I feel like such a wimp!! I have come to the point when people ask how I am doing, I quite honestly have no idea what to say. To be completely truthful (exhausted and going insane slowly), or what I should say (which is somewhat true, but not close to it). 

I am hoping this realization sticks this time. Slow down- let it go- relax. I am going to be parenting differently around here to get things a bit calmer. My first priority needs to always be my wonderful children. It is okay to not have everything perfect. If they are happy, healthy, and loved, what is better than that?? We already miss out on doing things outside our home due to nap schedules (who wants to nap at the same time. that's lame). But I feel we might start missing out on more because I need to focus. Once we get our groove and our focus, we can start branching out more. I feel good about this and know I need to make things better around here and that all starts with me. I'm the mother, I set the mood, I can be better than what I am. It is just going to take some extra work and tweaking with our unique situation of such little kids in little time. I know I can do this and things will get better. I've got some ideas up my sleeve- just gotta make it happen and follow through. 


  1. amen amen amen to sloooooowing down. You are a champ mother, Amy and don't forget it! Those 3 boys LOVE YOU sooooo much and we're all just doing our best to get by. I am stressed about adding #2, but from what you said, adding #3 is waaay harder! I hope I can have the same slow it down mind set that you do. It will get easier when you can get a break when James goes to preschool a few times a week and at least just feel like you can juggle your time better. I am looking forward to Brinley getting into a preschool for a few days a week. Not sure when that happens, but I'm hoping asap!!

  2. Hi Amy, I know I don't really know you, but from what I read you sound like you are an awesome mom! You shouldn't care about what other people think about your house or how your kids are acting when you are at the store. Your kids are only little for so long and then school and other stuff starts up. Your kids are not going to remember if the house was clean all the time but they are going to remember all the time you were able to spend with them and how much you love them.

  3. Good for you, Amy! Sorry it's been a rough ride the past, oh, year. :) I'll be praying for you. Heavenly help is a fantastic thing.

  4. I think every mom feels this way from time to time. You're not a bad mom. You're a good mom. EVERYONE feels this way. I have had a number of meltdowns lately and any mom telling you they don't is a liar. There is no "perfect mom" because we all aren't just moms, we're people. We try to find ways to balance it and sometimes it gets difficult. And my response to people when they ask how I'm doing is "oh, you know" or something else ambiguous. You can do this. We have a sister in our ward that just found out she's pregnant with her fifth. Her oldest is five. Plus I've heard the conversion from 2 to 3 is way worse than 1 to 2 or 3 to 4. If you need someone to talk to, please let me know, I frequently have breakdowns that Craig can't help me with too.

  5. Like Angie said, every mom feels like this at some point. And in a way, it could be a good thing if it helps you refocus on what's important. I may not have three children within three years but I do know what it's like to have three young children. One child in particular takes a lot of my time and my patience. Some days I'm not sure if we're going to survive each other. Good luck with finding your balance. It's tough. It sucks. But once you do, you'll be even more amazing.

  6. It's been a few hours since reading your post, and of course, we've talked...but the scripture that came to my mind is one that I feel all young moms should keep in mind. It's found in Mosiah 4:27, "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a (wo)man should run faster than (s)he has strength. And again, it is expedient that (s)he should be diligent, that thereby (s)he might win the prize; therefore all things must be done in order."
    Slowing down, being still...those are all great things. You are following the promptings of the Spirit allowing you to know what your family, and what you need.

    Besides, I am not the perfect mom, never have been, never will be...yet you love me! And I certainly know that I love you. :)

  7. I'm not gonna lie, I think what you do is tough work. But I definitely pray EVERYDAY, ALL DAY for you. So far Heavenly Father has answered my prayers to make you a strong mom that can handle everything thrown at her. He's good like that. It's tough leaving you at home with all three at once, I hate to say, I always feel bad. I know how hard it is and I always want to help you. BUT every time I do leave, you always blow me out of the water at how awesome you are (and well equipped you are) at raising 3 under 3. You've got this.

    ALSO on a slightly (completely) separate note: I really liked your writing style in this. Very you.

  8. Come over and play! We got a bounce house. I feel this way a lot of the time too, even though my kids are older and more spread out. I've just come to the conclusion that I'm going to be busy for the next ten years, at least. I can fight it, or I can embrace it. Earlier this summer I made a goal to have one good moment with each kid each day. While I was doing it, it was great. I need to try again! And you always look cute, so take that as a compliment!