My Method of Venting

This past week has been... interesting... interestingly difficult for me. In all honesty the last few months have held many frustrations stemming from only one frustrating encounter. I have been given SOOO many tools from my counselor on how to deal with stress and anxiety and the events/people/places that cause this for me. But I totally forgot about a tool I have had for many years (and utilized) until this last week. That tool is the piano.

I've played piano for years, but I haven't really put a whole lot of effort into it in a few years. This past Monday, I was stressed. And rightly so. I handled it the best I could (and continue to handle it), but I just couldn't shake some things. I've been asked to play some prelude music this upcoming Sunday, so I decided to actually practice! Good thing, too, because I'm pretty rusty!! Anyhow, on Wednesday I was finally able to go practice. Wow- did it feel good!

I have to go to the church to practice because my piano is in Utah, so I get to play on the grand. I know, I know... poor me. :) I had the top down because I didn't want anyone coming in to hear my messing up. I warmed up with a few hymns, and I started one where I was able to play REALLY loudly. My goodness, it felt so great to play that song and play as hard as I wanted to. I just felt all my tension seeping out of me. After I finished the song, I got up and raised the piano top a bit so I could hear it better. I totally forgot how much I love to play piano!! It was like I got to rediscover this lost part of me that is a HUGE part of me! I played a few more hymns and moved on to my prelude piece. I chose "Lead Kindly Light" for Sunday, mostly because it is my favorite hymn. The words are absolutely beautiful. I was butchering it something bad last week. But I think I finally stopped judging myself so harshly and I didn't completely butcher it! I loved it! I even called Brad on his way home from work and made him listen to it on speakerphone! He couldn't really hear it though. But still... I was finally happy with piano again.

I'm so grateful I have refound piano! I am dedicating myself to it almost every day. It works wonders on my stress level, which is what I need right now. I felt so great and had let go of so many things just by playing for a little over an hour. In Doctrine and Covenants 60: 2,13 it talks about hiding your talents. I am not hiding this anymore. Though you may never hear me say I play well (because I really don't), I'm not going to deny I play it. I may not be perfect at it, or anywhere near it, but at least I can play. That is all that matters to me.